I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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