Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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