HIV tests are more positive than that guy
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
