Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
