You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
zippers are such a cool invention
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
