So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
