everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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