Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
