My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry about my life...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
