You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
