I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
