just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
