I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you would pick up someone in the library
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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