so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
