Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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