a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
