I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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