so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Actions speak louder than pants.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
