We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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