smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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