Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
