Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
