best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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