my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
