I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
