she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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