ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
