never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
