maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
