I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
