This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
