Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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