So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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