He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
