So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
