I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
