Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
