I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
