Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
ok first of all what the fuck
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
