she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
