i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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