There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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