Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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