hotel room ftw
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
