splinters make it hard to masturbate
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
