Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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