you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
