I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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