Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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