Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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