Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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