Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
