fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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