I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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