i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
