Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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