I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
