kristin has been a bad kristin
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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