i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
