wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
