why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
