I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
