im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
