A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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