I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
