I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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