farters have to be the big spoon...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
