We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
