So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
