All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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